tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 28, 2019 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
>> thanks for watching, everybody. >> thanks for being here on jimm . from hollywood, it as jimmy kimmel live. tonight, collin from "little", marsai martin, matthew mcconaughey, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from billie eilish. and now, as a matter of fact, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: well come i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us. a special day in
today was very nice. spring is here. it is opening day. for major league baseball. you remember baseball? it used to be our, baseball used to be our national before fortnight took over. you know, the odds of filling out a perfect bracket are one in 9.2 quintillion. that's if you fill it out before the tournament. if you wait until after, they go way down. now i instigated a little bit of march madness up in washington state. on the show this week and last week, i'd been blowing the rims off what i believe to be the biggest university scandal that does not involve a cast member from "full house." i just don't buy that gone saga university is real, i believe their basketball team is real. i even picked them to win the
tournament on my pool sheet, but i see no evidence to indicate that a school called gonzaga exists. this artical from time magazine might be my proudest moment. because gonzaga is trying so hard to convince us that they are something. they actually made shirts. these are real shirts that you can buy up in spokane that say "gonzaga exists." [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: this is honestly probably the saddest thing i've ever seen. we made some shirts that i think are more accurate, and i hope these really catch on. "conzaga." i was just watching it in my office. you see that big chunk of empty seats right there? yeah, those are gonzaga students. those are the students from the school.
nonexistent. yesterday, i sent guillermo to anaheim where they're playing to investigate, and he got a lot of attention from the local news in spokane. >> jimmy kimmel sent his sidekick guillermo to make sure the people are real people. >> they are proving to jimmy kimmel that these students really exist. >> woo! >> what inspired the getup today? >> for me? this right now is to prove gonzaga exists. >> i think it's hilarious. he doesn't seem convinced that gonzaga is real >> it's fine. in everything in life, there are believers and non-believers. >> oh, yeah, it's a big pr stunt. he's just trying to get ratings and be relevant and be cool. >> he's probably doing all right. >> we asked for jimmy to do an interview, but he wouldn't do it, and he sent you.
is he genuinely afraid of people from spokane right now? >> i don't know if he's afraid or not, but whenever he don't want to do something, he always send me. >> jimmy: that's exactly right. [cheers and applause] you're my emissary. when it comes to stuff like this, guillermo is my eyes and ears. my [ speaking in spanish ] so i sent my agents south to untangle this web of deceit. >> hi, i'm sherlock hombre, and i'm here to prove that gonzaga does not exist. follow me. as you can see, the stadium is full of gonzaga
♪ nice strategy. why are they not here today? >> between me and you? >> he's not real, right? >> he's so real, believe me. >> what's the name of the coach? >> mark few. >> mark few. >> yeah, mark few. >> hold this mic for me. i'm going to show you something. >> oh, wow. >> f-a-k-e-r. >> that's your spelling. >> i did it right. >> yeah. >> the actors are go gonzaga's fake, right? >> no, man, we're actually real. we've been around for 100 years if not more. >> are all the lights eating you
inside? >> what? >> are all the lights eating you inside? >> no. i'm fine. >> i see you sweating. you're getting nervous. >> no, i'm not nervous, i'm having fun. >> can you seen my ball? >> yeah. >> it's right here. it's imaginary, just like your school. you tell me, is your school for real? >> yeah. >> can you prove it to me? >> yeah, hopefully. >> yeah? can you show me that hand shake from -- >> it's not one handshake that we all do, you got to make up one. >> so just like your school? >> yeah. >> you know the greatest trick they ever pulled was convincing the world that gonzaga exists. where's mr. gonzaga. i want to speak to mr. gonzaga. >> i don't know if mr. gonzaga
was a person. it's a school. >> good luck in your fake school. >> everybody say bing crosby went to gonzaga. what's your favorite bing crosby song? >> oh, man, putting me on the spot here, i couldn't name one. >> how much does it pay to stay quiet? >> no, no. >> you can tell me. >> all right, if you need help, blink twice. all right. are you for real? >> what's up, bro? >> case ♪ fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. note ♪
[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: nice work, guillermo. very well done. guillermo's full, 400-page report will be headed to congress next week. and we will go through that. in other sportsnes news, the international olympic committee is recommending a bunch of new sports for inclusion in the 2024 olympic games, and one of those is break dancing for real. the president of the ioc said adding break dancing could help us connect with the younger generation. the fresh new trend, break dancing is really heating wh when boogalo and shabba shrimp care eve that olympic flame
matthew mcconaughey and snoop dogg were here last night. moon dog is a marijuana enthusiast. matt came up with an interesting idea. we sent moon dog, not matt, out onto hollywood boulevard to offer people a variety of cannabis-infused products, which was really just a bunch of stuff we bought at the grocery store. there was no marijuana in them. did that stop people from pretending to be dazed and confused? that's this night's edition of highwitness news. >> what's your name? moon dog. before you try this, it's a very quick rant, meaning in five to six seconds you're going to feel it. >> all right. >> this is called a pot dog. in these fresh tomatoes i've infused a little thc which is
all organic. and in this mustard, lemon zest with thc. along with the hot dog, how do you feel right now, before? >> i'm good. >> you're good. >> yes. >> good. now try that. ah, ah, okay. chew well, chew well, chew well. six, five, four, three, two. how do you feel? >> like tingly. >> starting right here? >> mm-hm. >> how about your toes? [ laughter ] >> now, now, now, no you, no you. okay. your entire --
>> what just happened? >> tell me when you feel. >> i feel a little something, yeah. >> something like relaxing coming over me. >> more baseline? >> yeah, like i'm at the beach. >> like gummi bears. >> your legs are gummy bears? >> yeah. like jelly. >> jelly legs? >> >> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. do i rub it?? >> yeah, rub it in. >> i like that. you got a party? >> no, i'm just always here. i don't go in cars. next time we run into each other is the next time we run into each other, man. >> hold on.
>> it's infused with organic tomatoes and thc. do you have children? do not give them this. >> yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yeah i, yay! >> jimmy: that's some magic stuff. thank you, moon dog and snoop dogg. "the beach bum" comes out. bat man turns 80 years old this weekend. [ applause ] and i'm guessing he won't be hiring a clown for his birthday party. the first time batman appeared in a comic book was march 30, 1939. he's older now, his utility belt is still full of vitamins and boner pills, and he wears it up
around his nipples. how old does that make alfred? 135? they sit in the a cave watching fox news all day. happy birthday, batman. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from billie eilish, marsay martin is here and we'll be right back with colin farrell. whenever there's a major motion picture, we run it by our in-house movie critic, yehya. here is yehya talking about the movie "dumbo." >> action! hey, i talkin' about the new movie, the new movie behind me is called disney. and dumbo. the movie talk about the elephant flyin'. the elephant like the baby, he try fly through the air, you know? wow. and that movie, they have the
guy, tommy devito. and he in the movie, get the short guy with john travolta. he's with the movie also. one is big and one is small. and the guy, collin farrell is in that movie also. he did the movie "alexander the greek." he got only one problem with collin farrell. one, my friend saw him. i don't see him. he go to the bathroom, and he come out. he don't wash his hands. wash your hands after you finish the bathroom. the guy, what's his name? michael k michael kidd. he in that movie. he did the movie of the old batman and he did the movie also, the guy flight, and he did the movie like the ghost, beatle jew. and you know the elephant, you
have good memory, but sometimes the elephant, your movies control, and you can go from him, bush anything, like happy, happy, happy. disney make a lot of movie cartoon. make lots of puppet and big noise and also hawaii lady were the dog and the other disney movie. the girl she's beautiful. she in love with the guy like the monkey, and the boy, he live in the zoo. also disney did the movie the deer, her mom got shot. the king of lion. the lion hold his kids on the mountain and say "he's the king". go watch the movie. it's good movie. don't go chicago, collin farrell, because sometimes he come from the bathroom, doesn't wash his hand. oh, my god!
i love you, man. god bless you. can i take picture with you? [ bleep ] [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from billie eilish, marsay martin is here and we'll be right back with colin farrell. ♪ abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by northwestern mutual. james r. and associates. anna speaking... ♪ james r. and associates. anna. ♪ [phone ringing] baker architects. this is anna baker. at northwestern mutual, this is what our version of financial planning looks like. tomorrow is important, but you're ready to bet on yourself today. find an advisor at northwesternmutual.com. nosy neighbor... witglad bag full of trashl.
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billie has 15 million instagram followers which i think is all of them. next week, we will be in fabulous las vegas for a week-long visit with a cavalcade of stars including tiffany haddish, kevin hart, seth rogen, celine dion, the kardashian sisters, james taylor, mike tyson, marshmello, churches, and las vegas' own the killers. it is going to be a great week. are you ready guillermo? >> i'm ready, jimmy. >> jimmy: you know, you survived brooklyn, you survived austin. i think vegas is going to be your toughest test yet. our first guest tonight came to this country nearly two decades ago with a dream to one day star in a movie with an elephant. and that dream has finally come true. starting tomorrow, you can see him in the new live action adventure "dumbo." please say hello to colin farrell. [cheers and applause] ♪
>> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: just to be safe, you know, just to be safe. here, you can have some, too. >> i didn't expect you to go full shake, man. i didn't know if were you going to shake my hand. what's yehya talking about? no way to stand up in court. >> jimmy: yehya lives on another planet. >> totally. and on his planet, as i was walking by there, he said "i saw you, great actor." i said [ bleep ]! yehya's dead to me. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. >> he was never born. but. >> jimmy: he's dead to most of the staff to be honest with you. well, it's very good to see you. how are you? how are you doing? everything doing well? >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you been home to
ireland? >> yeah, i was there for three nights. >> jimmy: do you have a spot you go to? >> yeah, i have a kabob shop i go to. >> jimmy: i love kabobs. >> one errant laugh-in t in the audience. >> jimmy: yeah, but you're serious. >> to get that 3:00 a.m. kabob going. >> jimmy: they must high-five their arms off when they came up were that one. >> there was one particular abrakabobra was very dangerous. it was in a part of town where there were a lot of clouds around, and there would
be murders. >> jimmy: with sticks? >> no, with knives. >> jimmy: not the kind of brand you want. did they get excited when you go in there? >> i have a gold card. >> jimmy: what do you mean? like a credit card? >> it's not a kritcredit card, t you get free kabobs. i was the first one to get a gold card. >> jimmy: does anyone else have one? >> bono has one now. >> jimmy: you think bono's using it? >> i doubt it, i doubt it that there's any other creature pathetic enough. i haven't paid for a kabob in five years, man. there was one time i went, went, another shop and she didn't know who i was. >> jimmy: did you have your
card? >> i didn't have my card on me at the time. i gave her the it8 >> jimmy: it's about the fun of walking in. and flashing the card. >> and a black card, now that i've been on this press tour, selling dumbo, they're now inventing a black card. >> jimmy: why do you call it a dumbo cabumbo, and maybe you'd be more comfortable. why is the black card better than the gold card? >> i'm titillated to find out. it's maybe to get free kabobs for the rest of our lives. nobody will join me any way. it's not the nicest. >> jimmy: maybe they'll pop the cash register and start peeling off euros to you. >> paper cup. >> jimmy: las vegas is my hometown. that's where we're going next week. you have spent much time in las
vegas? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: is that a place where people in ireland are like we want to go to las vegas? >> oh, yeah. all my life i've seen images of las vegas and it has a certain allure to us indeed. >> jimmy: do you think of elvis and those kinds of things that people think of? >> yeah, sammy davis jr. and dean martin. >> jimmy: all dead, dead, dead, dead. >> you think of dead people and pack lightly. >> jimmy: fun had in las vegas. >> fun had in las vegas. we'll leave it there back in the day. i was there for the first time it snowed in 14 years when i was there, the first time would have been 2000-2001. >> jimmy: it's a very special time. >> and i ended up in a jacuzzi with a couple of humans. outside of caesar's palace, a bottle of champagne. >> jimmy: it's funny, when it snowed when i was in las vegas i ended up in the bathtub with a
couple of goats. true story. >> do we have video? >> jimmy: i have pictures on my phone. "dumbo" opens tomorrow. we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by zillow. find your way home. free! free, free free. ♪ [explosion] ♪ that's right. turbotax free is free. free, free free free. how did subway know it's what i wanted... thank you ♪ ♪
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doesn't, don't be scared. your mama's right outside. >> jimmy: that is collin farrell in "dumbo" which opens in theaters and imax tomorrow. they don't put a stunt elephant in there, do they? >> they had an actor that performed as dumbo. >> jimmy: he did? >> yeah, oh. they tormented him every day. ed osmond. >> jimmy: is ed a little round guy? >> ed's not a little round guy. it's the tallest gentleman in the world. but he's not round.
and he's, he's brilliant actor, and he was dressed head to toe in greenspan de spandex for fiv months, which is not enviable. he would come on to the stage and mosey onto your leg and [ bleep ]. wrong take, ed! i don't know where they're going, i think i might know where they're going with that. >> jimmy: was ed at the premiere? >> honestly, he did an extraordinary, he made it a lot easier. you're following a laser pointer, a tennis ball. >> jimmy: i'd like to see him explain to his chunk yeaildren, i'm really in that movie. >> yeah. yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: the penguin in it. tim burton, one of the greats. >> i loved working with him. >> jimmy: had you worked with any of those three guys before? >> no, i had met danny a little
bit. >> jimmy: he's a lot of fun, danny devito. >> he walks into a room and people feel better about their life. >> jimmy: he is. there's something about him delightful. >> there's something about the santa claus about him less the creepy. >> jimmy: did santa do anything to you? what's the story? what happened on your lap! we have a young lady coming out here who is 14 years old who just produce add movid a movie. what were you doing when you were 14? >> i certainly wasn't producing a movie. i was playing football. >> jimmy: the real football? >> the one where you use your feet. that one. soccer. >> jimmy: many, many conversations with people about
this. no one has ever quite put it that way. >> yeah, it just seems, yeah. kind of obvious, isn't it? >> jimmy: but what's on your feet? >> cleats. >> jimmy: what's under the cleats? >> grass. >> jimmy: no, on your feet. >> socks. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> what about socks? >> jimmy: soccer. >> oh. it was so bad, i didn't even get it, and it was right there. it was right there. >> jimmy: you're bummed right now. >> jimmy: colin farrell! "dumbo" opens in theaters and imax tomorrow. marsai martin is here. we'll be back with marsai martin. ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ hmmm all these websites say it's normal to start shaving at age 15. ♪ i'm a man ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: at just 14 years old, our next guest has worked on 5 seasons of "black-ish," runs her own production company and is the executive producer and star of her very own movie. she probably does babysitting, too. the film is called "little," it opens in theaters april 12th. please welcome marsay martin.
[cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >> jimmy: i like your hair. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that must have taken a lot of work. >> it didn't. it's easy. it's like a ponytail. it's easy. >> jimmy: i'd say i know, but i really don't know. thank you for being here on a school night. is it a school night for you? or are you not schooled? >> i'm home schooled. so i don't get up at 7:00 in the morning for that reason. >> jimmy: do you ever western you could go to a regular school? >> no. >> jimmy: never. >> no. never. it's so easy to focus when it's like you and your computer. >> jimmy: i feel like that all the time, yeah. yeah. wow. and also you'll definitely graduate first in your class. you'll be the valedictorian. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no matter what
happens. [ applause ] >> jimmy: tell me about this idea that you are the executive producer of this movie. how did that happen? >> well, long story short, you know, when your parents tell you all these things about what their favorite movies were growing up, one of them was "big" starring tom hanks. i was watching it and i was like, what if we do this in a modern perspective. give it a fresh take and have it more our time, have a female, empowerment, all black-women cast. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: you also, you switched the idea from, from an adult turning into a kid to a kid turning into an adult, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: which for you it must not have been hard for you to play an adult base you'ecause y almost an adult yourself. >> yeah, the character was kind of made for me.
>> jimmy: yeah, by you for you. are you running this out of a dollhouse or what's going on? >> i wish, a dollhouse would be lit. but it's in an office. i have a corner office, which is pretty cool. >> jimmy: you do. so you have a whole floor or something? >> not a whole floor. but it's like in a hidden place where nobody knows where we are. >> jimmy: how many employees do you have? >> i think about six or seven. >> jimmy: do you hire these people? >> not just me. it's my parents, too. >> jimmy: so your parents are involved. >> yeah, even though i'm the boss, i'm their boss. but they're still my parents, so, you know, i can't do that. >> jimmy: they still give you allowance, or do you give them allowance, or how does that go? >> no. it's everyone's money, i guess, but i'm making it. if that makes sense. i don't know. we work as a family, so it's pretty cool. >> jimmy: what position, so you're the ceo.
>> e' ti'm the ceo. dad's the president, mom's vice president. >> jimmy: how did you decide dad would be president and mom's vice president? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: dad raised his hand first? >> i don't think it was like that, but it makes sense. joi . >> jimmy: what was he doing before he did this? >> he worked in financing in a car dealership. >> jimmy: do you ever threaten to fire him or say, a little late coming in this morning? >> no, if i ever did that, i don't know what would happen next. >> jimmy: you got to start asserting yourself. you're the boss, and that's that. money is thicker than blood. >> but they're also the bosses of me, too. like as soon as we're done in the office and we get home. it's >> jimmy: until you can drive, and then forget about it. how long until you get a driver's license? >> my birthday's in august, so i get it this year.
>> jimmy: are you going to learn immediately? >> i want to learn immediately so i can drive to chick fil a. that's my goal. >> jimmy: are you going to buy yourself a car? >> um, you know, i could. but. >> jimmy: obviously, you own a company. >> but, you know. >> jimmy: you get a company car, yeah. >> yeah, that. that would be cool. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a long time friend of mine, named anthony anderson. >> jimmy: plays your dad on ""black-ish."" >> yeah, promised me that he'd buy me a car. joi >> jimmy: when? >> a long time ago, but he keeps his promises. >> jimmy: like forever? did he promise anybody else on the show a car? >> no. >> jimmy: let's recreate the scenario in which he promised to buy you a car. what did he say exactly. if you come out of your trailer?
if you stop kicking the ball? >> it was a general promise. i was about 10 or 9 at the time. >> jimmy: mm-hm. what kind of car do you want him to buy you. >> okay, so when i was, okay, so it i've really been thinking about this, guys. when i was 9 or 10 i wanted a hot pink challenger, but now that's whack. i want a matte purple tesla. >> jimmy: which model tesla? >> the newest one. i don't know. >> jimmy: he's not getting you that. he's not going to get you that. >> i know. >> jimmy: i just know he isn't. >> i could get it myself, though, too. but a promise is a promise. >> jimmy: honestly, what i would do in this situation. i would sue him. i'd tell him, like listen. did he tell you how old you'd be when he'd buy you the car? >> no, just when i'm able to. >> jimmy: change the story a little bit. you said on the day i turned 16
you would buy me a car, and then, of my choice, and don't let him buy you a toy car or a barbie car or something like that. technicalities can really get you. you say i relied on you buying me a car. without a car, i am unable to get to chick fil a. without getting to chick fil a, i am unable to enjoy the quality of my life. therefore, you, my tv dad, are be bei being served. and then you touch him with the paper, the lawsuit. >> okay. >> jimmy: he's going to have to learn that if he promises you a car he's going to have to get you a car. >> he's going to have to. >> jimmy: or the law's going to kick him right in the ass, pardon my french. >> yeah, i get it. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm teaching you how to be a ceo. >> you are. thank you for this. >> jimmy: anything else i can help you with? >> um, i think i'm good.
am i good? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got to get a guillermo, too. that's another tip i will give you. thank you for coming. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: i'm so impressed by your young career already. "little" opens in theaters april 12th. ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. yoooh, hello yellow! at ross and you find... yes! that's yes for less. spring forward with the latest brand-name styles at 20 to 60 percent off department store prices. at ross. yes for less.
and you find the same style you knoyou saw there... ross ...here? that's yes for less. yes! say yes to those spring trends you love, at 20 to 60 percent off specialty store prices, every day. at ross. yes for less. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank colin farrell and marsai martin, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is out now, it's called "when we all fall asleep, where do we go" here with the song "bury a friend," billie eilish! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ what do you want from me why don't you run from me ♪ ♪ what are you wondering what do you know why aren't you
scared of me ♪ ♪ why do you care for me when we all fall asleep where do we go ♪ ♪ come here say it spit it out what is it exactly you're payin' ♪ ♪ is the amount cleanin' you out am i satisfactory today i'm thinkin' ♪ ♪ about the things that are deadly the way i'm drinkin' you down ♪ ♪ like i wanna drown like i wanna end me step on the glass staple your tongue ♪ ♪ bury a friend try to wake up cannibal class killing the son ♪ ♪ bury a friend i wanna end me i wanna end me i wanna i wanna ♪ ♪ i wanna end me i wanna i wanna i wanna what do you ♪ ♪ want from me why don't you run from me what are you wondering ♪
♪ what do you know why aren't you scared of me why do you care for me ♪ ♪ when we all fall asleep where do we go listen keep you in the dark ♪ ♪ what had you expected me to make you my art and make you a star and get you connected ♪ ♪ i'll meet you in the park i'll be calm and collected but we knew right from the start that ♪ ♪ you'd fall apart 'cause i'm too expensive your talk'll be somethin' that shouldn't be ♪ ♪ said out loud honestly i thought that i would be dead by now ♪ ♪ calling security keepin' my head held down bury the hatchet or bury your friend right now ♪ ♪ for the debt i owe gotta sell my soul 'cause i can't say no no i can't say no ♪ ♪ then my limbs all froze and my eyes won't close and i can't say no i can't say no ♪ ♪ careful
step on the glass staple your tongue bury a friend ♪ ♪ try to wake up cannibal class killing the son bury a friend ♪ ♪ i wanna end me i wanna end me i wanna i wanna i wanna end me ♪ ♪ i wanna i wanna i wanna what do you want from me why don't you run from me ♪ ♪ what are you wondering what do you know why aren't you scared of me ♪ ♪ why do you care for me when we all fall asleep where do we go ♪ [cheers and applause] >> thank you.
this is "nightline." tonight, youtube conspiracy. a new documentary from youtuber logan paul mocking the theory that the earth isn't round. >> my name's logan paul, and i think i'm coming out of the flatters closet. >> how conspiracies are spreading unchecked online. >> these things have spread so massively that putting that back in the box is all but impossible. plus, amazing aretha, earning our respect for decades. now the never-before-seen footage. of the queen of soul, taking us